Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? There's great food, but no atmosphere.
What would the Terminator be called in his retirement? The Exterminator.
It takes guts to be an organ donor.
I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you guys didn't like it.
My wife said I was immature. So I told her to get out of my fort.
I know a bunch of good jokes about umbrellas, but they usually go over people's heads.
What invention allows us to see through walls? Windows.
Son: Dad, I'm hungry. Dad: Hi hungry, I'm Dad.
Things Dads Say
When your Dad says turn left, but you turn right... Dad says... Your other right.
When your dad is snoring in the recliner. Dad are you asleep? No, I'm just resting my eyes.
When a kid comes home with expensive new shoes. What do you think I'm made of, money?
When you ask, Dad, did you get a hair cut. Dad says, No. I got 'em all cut.
When you says, But Dad, everyone else is going. Dad says, If everyone else was jumping off a cliff, would you?
Father's Day is Tough
For the summer, we are looking at how God is working in this book of the Bible called Acts. The series is called Our Turn.
And today, in honor of Father's Day, I'd like to think with you on the subject the
"Suddenly there was a great earthquake, so that the foundations of the prison were shaken; and immediately all the doors were opened and everyone's chains were loosed. And the keeper of the prison, awaking from sleep and seeing the prison doors open, supposing the prisoners had fled, drew his sword and was about to kill himself. But Paul called with a loud voice, saying, "Do yourself no harm, for we are all here." Then he called for a light, ran in, and fell down trembling before Paul and Silas. And he brought them out and said, "Sirs, what must I do to be saved?" So they said, "Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved, you and your household." Then they spoke the word of the Lord to him and to all who were in his house. And he took them the same hour of the night and washed their stripes. And immediately he and all his family were baptized. Now when he had brought them into his house, he set food before them; and he rejoiced, having believed in God with all his household." (Acts 16:26-34)
Two of the hardest days for preachers are Mother's Day and Father's Day. Those days are hard because so many things can go wrong when it comes to being a mom or a dad. Talking about parents, or talking about being a parent, or taking about not being a parent but wanting to, the emotions are all over the map.
Some feel great about this topic. Some feel guilty. Some feel bitterness, or fear, or anger, or pain. Others feel satisfaction or pride. Some have always wanted to be a mom or dad, but for some reason aren't... Some moms or dads want to have a relationship with their kids, but they can't, or the other parent won't let them, or they foolishly wrecked that relationship and feel there's no going back.